Hey guys and welcome in another post of my: "How to's" Section!
-exclaimer: this is purely humor, trying to figure out what a typical jerk is thinking-
Today I'm gonna tutor you on how to be a jerk! I have to say that I know that some of you already mastered the techniques of being a total freaking jerk. But for those of you that have adjustment problems to out society, here are 5 ways to be a jerk:
1) In Supermarkets! So you're in the supermarket and of course you don't want to wait in the line, your patience level is near -2 on a scale from 1 to 10, who wants to wait in line anyway? Civilized people? phsssss! So there are two things you can do about it:
a) Slow walking past the guy in front of you, to get in front of them, make it look like an accident! And if he's like: "Sorry sir, this..." at first don't pay attention and if the person insists then look at them surprised and say "Oh I'm sorry I didn't see you there" and turn around like you don't give A SINGLE FUCK about it!
b) so if you don't want to be THAT jerk you can always make noise by crushing the products you bought together in an impatient way! Because this will make the queue disappear right?!
2) On the street! So you're on the street, walking on the sidewalk, which is a little bit narrow. Do you have somewhere to be? most likely no! Are you in hurry? Who's hurry? So other people walk faster than you and maybe are late. You know what to do right? Walk in the middle of it so they can pass by you! You can also try to speak on the phone while walking extremely slow and talk moving your hand dangerously for the others to pass by you! They should care for themselves, you do what you want aye?!
3) On the bus! Because you're so bored of traveling so many hours on that damn thing! But you know what? You own this place and who cares about other people's patience. So you can grab your phone and start calling everyone and gossip with them everything that happened in your life, but be careful, because you have to speak loudly so that everyone in the bus can listen to what you say. And if the guy next to you wants to sleep then speak louder so that they can't. Because who needs to sleep when they can listen to whatever bullshit you want to say right?!
4) At School/College/University! You know this guy we call something like: "professor" and you know that people listen to what he says because they either want to learn new things, and, that listening to him may be a part of people following their dreams or passing exams or whatever. But Why should you care? You can find co-jerks and talk with them, laugh with them, gossip about other classmates of yours. And when they ask you to be quiet you can always be offended scream and say some curse words to whoever told you to be "quiet" and leave the lecture because you're offended of course. How dare they interrupt you!
5) Being a jerk to friends of yours is the easiest! You deserve more than anybody right? And everyone should serve you. So ask for money, they will give it to you, but if they think that you should pay it back you should remind them that you deserved it and they should really reconsider your friendship! You can always come to their houses by texting them that "you don't feel very well today" so when you enter the house, if you are hungry, ask them "what are we going to eat" Yes! Make them feel uncomfortable. Oh you know what else you can do? Use your friendships to get famous! You can meet new people make them trust you and then tell their secrets to everyone else so that you can be famous!
So here are my 5 ways to become a complete fucking jerk! Those tips are tested on me and they really work! All these tips are made from my life experience and the people I've met and argued with. I tried to follow their logic. Please tell me your opinion in the comment section!
Thank you for your time!
-exclaimer: this is purely humor, trying to figure out what a typical jerk is thinking-
Today I'm gonna tutor you on how to be a jerk! I have to say that I know that some of you already mastered the techniques of being a total freaking jerk. But for those of you that have adjustment problems to out society, here are 5 ways to be a jerk:
1) In Supermarkets! So you're in the supermarket and of course you don't want to wait in the line, your patience level is near -2 on a scale from 1 to 10, who wants to wait in line anyway? Civilized people? phsssss! So there are two things you can do about it:
a) Slow walking past the guy in front of you, to get in front of them, make it look like an accident! And if he's like: "Sorry sir, this..." at first don't pay attention and if the person insists then look at them surprised and say "Oh I'm sorry I didn't see you there" and turn around like you don't give A SINGLE FUCK about it!
b) so if you don't want to be THAT jerk you can always make noise by crushing the products you bought together in an impatient way! Because this will make the queue disappear right?!
2) On the street! So you're on the street, walking on the sidewalk, which is a little bit narrow. Do you have somewhere to be? most likely no! Are you in hurry? Who's hurry? So other people walk faster than you and maybe are late. You know what to do right? Walk in the middle of it so they can pass by you! You can also try to speak on the phone while walking extremely slow and talk moving your hand dangerously for the others to pass by you! They should care for themselves, you do what you want aye?!
3) On the bus! Because you're so bored of traveling so many hours on that damn thing! But you know what? You own this place and who cares about other people's patience. So you can grab your phone and start calling everyone and gossip with them everything that happened in your life, but be careful, because you have to speak loudly so that everyone in the bus can listen to what you say. And if the guy next to you wants to sleep then speak louder so that they can't. Because who needs to sleep when they can listen to whatever bullshit you want to say right?!
4) At School/College/University! You know this guy we call something like: "professor" and you know that people listen to what he says because they either want to learn new things, and, that listening to him may be a part of people following their dreams or passing exams or whatever. But Why should you care? You can find co-jerks and talk with them, laugh with them, gossip about other classmates of yours. And when they ask you to be quiet you can always be offended scream and say some curse words to whoever told you to be "quiet" and leave the lecture because you're offended of course. How dare they interrupt you!
5) Being a jerk to friends of yours is the easiest! You deserve more than anybody right? And everyone should serve you. So ask for money, they will give it to you, but if they think that you should pay it back you should remind them that you deserved it and they should really reconsider your friendship! You can always come to their houses by texting them that "you don't feel very well today" so when you enter the house, if you are hungry, ask them "what are we going to eat" Yes! Make them feel uncomfortable. Oh you know what else you can do? Use your friendships to get famous! You can meet new people make them trust you and then tell their secrets to everyone else so that you can be famous!
So here are my 5 ways to become a complete fucking jerk! Those tips are tested on me and they really work! All these tips are made from my life experience and the people I've met and argued with. I tried to follow their logic. Please tell me your opinion in the comment section!
Thank you for your time!
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